Grace Over Expectation: Becoming a Grateful Wife

But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen. 2 Peter 3:18

Unrealistic, unvoiced expectations are set-ups for resentment. It is sad but true. When we impose expectations upon our spouse that are not communicated clearly, we set ourselves up to become bitter, resentful wives.

Proverbs 16:9 says, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” We all have preconceived ideas as to what we want our lives to look like. We all have preconceived notions as to what a spouse should be like. We come from different backgrounds with different sets of parents and parenting styles. We are set up for disillusionment and disappointing our spouses. Unless we communicate! 

One of the best things my spouse and I did as a newly married couple was sitting down and making a list of all the household chores that needed to be done and assigning a person for each task. Some of the tasks were shared, but this eliminated many expectations from going unmet. It helped us have a more even workload and alleviated resentment in one spouse having to do too much.

Even when we do communicate, sometimes our expectations will go unmet. We can get bitter or become better by loving our spouse anyway and understanding their differences. Sometimes, couples' priorities simply do not align. While one member may value a spick-and-span clean home, the other might prioritize playing with her children and having supper on the table every evening. One is not better than the other; these priorities are simply different. The more we communicate about our differences in marriage, the better. The more grace we can give our spouses, the more set free we can live from the bondage of bitterness, disappointment, and resentment.

The good news is that ultimately, the Lord establishes our steps (Prov. 16:9). We might try to blaze our own trail or arm wrestle our way into being correct in marriage, but ultimately God has placed us with our spouse for a reason. Our differences can perfect us in marriage when we allow God’s perfect love to work in us, becoming flexible, understanding, and loving our spouse anyway, even when disappointed. We have been appointed as wives to our specific husbands. Let’s consider our marriage a divinely orchestrated union that has the purpose to bless others and refine our hearts. 

Because of God’s amazing, unmerited grace for us, we can give our spouse the gift of grace in marriage. Grace softens our hearts and enables us to be more joyful and thankful. Instead of dwelling on unmet expectations, we can adopt hearts of “gratus”—a Latin word that miraculously means both grace and gratitude.