Mindful Mama

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Mindful: giving attention (to); deliberately aware of your body, mind, and feelings in the present moment, in order to create a feeling of calm

(https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/mindful)

Being mindful in motherhood involves fully addressing what you are feeling, what you do with those emotions, and the impact they have on you and your family. 

We all want to be mindful mamas. We all want to experience emotional calmness, peace in our relationships, and have control over our actions. But the reality is that life happens. Children throw tantrums, closeness in marriage becomes a second priority, we get upset and raise our voices, we drop the ball, we disappoint others, and we disappoint ourselves, all of which leads to regret. All of these are problems, but the bigger issue at hand is the mental toll our earthly troubles take on our minds and hearts. If we’re not careful, our disappointments can become detrimental detours that lead us down a dark pathway toward the pit of depression and perpetual anxiety. 

We will all face daily struggles as moms. But the bigger problem begins when our thoughts become askew. Our thoughts control our actions, which can lead to outcomes that reinforce our negative ways of thinking. It is a vicious cycle that can be broken through cognitive behavioral therapy. If you have never heard of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), it is simply developing healthy coping mechanisms when intrusive thoughts enter our minds that threaten our peace. Like a triangle, our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all interconnected. While it would be great if we could all simply nip negative thought patterns in the bud, often this is not realistic and is easier said than done. We must develop healthy coping strategies for when these thoughts enter our minds, behaviors that counter the attack. 

If I begin thinking that I am a failure as a mom, then I can write down tangible ways I am a highly capable mother. If I start believing the lie that my efforts aren’t good enough, then I can make a list of all of my lifetime accomplishments. I can begin to focus on what went well yesterday. We can steer our thinking. And as Christ followers, we have the Bible as a powerful tool to help us do so. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

If we can learn to defy uninvited thoughts through the power of the Holy Spirit, we regain control over our lives and reap the benefits of the outcomes we desire: peace, joy, security, contentment, confidence, and love. We take our thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ through actions that line up with God’s Word. 

Will unwanted thoughts still continue to surface from time to time? Yes. But if we’re not feeding those thoughts and being obedient to God instead, we will have fewer negative thought patterns. We can be mindful mamas through the power and authority of the Holy Spirit.

When you get triggered, and an unhealthy thought process begins to spiral out of control, this is called emotional dysregulation. It’s when the limbic system, or the midbrain, takes over and reacts. What we want to do instead is to train our prefrontal cortex to take over cognitive functioning in order to process and consider. This antidote is known as self-regulation. In self-regulation, we engage the thinking part of the brain, responsible for problem solving, delayed gratification, drawing conclusions, and decision making. Sometimes, engaging the prefrontal cortex requires us to take a pause before reacting, to pray, to look at the situation from a 360-degree perspective, to put ourselves in another’s shoes, or to reconsider a rash conclusion and instead assume the best.

When we choose to engage our prefrontal cortex and practice emotional regulation, we begin to create neurological pathways in our brains. We develop habits of processing and considering rather than reacting by choosing this process over and over again. The more we engage the “upstairs” part of our brains, the prefrontal cortex, the more in control we become over our thoughts.

Learning the art of self-regulation is the key to becoming a peaceful mom, having a peaceful marriage, and cultivating a peaceful home. So next time a whirlwind of unhealthy, skewed thoughts comes swirling your way, take a deep breath, count to three, say a silent prayer, and ask for the Holy Spirit to give you discernment to process the thoughts in your head with clarity and wisdom.

Your prayer might look or sound something like this:

Dear Jesus, help me. 

Give me the wisdom to sort these thoughts that have struck an (offensive, painful, unwanted) chord inside of me according to your Truth. Give me your perspective, Lord. Help me to respond from a place of grace and not hurt. Amen