The Humility Shift

The desire to control our children’s actions and behavior is a common issue we moms face. It can feel like a daily tug-of-war battle, but what if we learned to let it go? What if we acted as coaches on the sidelines of our children’s lives rather than referees calling out every foul? Would it be possible for children to learn how to play the game for themselves and to instill in their hearts a desire to do the right thing? Instead of coercive control, what if we taught our children how to be good stewards of their lives? An important component of parenthood to consider that will help our children along life’s way that is often overlooked is humility.

When asked to identify the top three Christian virtues, St. Augustine famously replied, “humility, humility, and humility.” Humility is foundational for all other Christian virtues to be built upon. It is putting God before self. It is placing our children’s emotional needs before our rash responses. 

Humility is realizing the importance of keeping our own reactions under control when our children offend us. And they’re going to offend us.

When kids act out in disobedience, it’s easy to take it as a personal offense—to be hurt and angry. But what if we viewed our children’s hearts as more important than our own? When a child’s disobedience strikes a chord inside of us and leaves us feeling disrespected, we can either retaliate or step back from the situation and ask ourselves, “What does my child need from me in this moment? How can I coach my child through their disobedience rather than model emotional dysregulation?” 

Disarm your pride. Don’t take your child’s disobedience personally. It is part of their sin nature and has little to do with you—even though a child acting out can feel like a personal attack. 

Become soft-hearted. Step back and prayerfully determine what is needed in the situation. Ask yourself, “How can I make this a teaching moment? How can I model emotional regulation while still reinforcing the necessary boundaries? How can I point my child toward Jesus through this process?” All of these are big questions to ask in the heat of the moment. Take a step back, say a silent prayer, and ask for the Holy Spirit to guide you and equip you to discipline your child with wisdom and a heart of humility.

A simple prayer I like to pray in these types of situations is:

Jesus,

Guide me with the steps to take to discipline my child in a loving way. Give me the words to say. Fill me with the spirit of self-control. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.