Stewardship Not Ownership

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10

All too often, we tie ourselves to the anchor of our children’s actions and throw ourselves overboard. We blame ourselves for everything gone wrong in our children’s lives. We drown in the guilt of thinking their poor choices are completely our fault and associate their misbehavior with our sense of self.

It doesn’t have to be this way. There is grace for our children and us when they fall short. But even more importantly, we can begin to shift our view from ownership of our children and their choices to stewards. We can root our identities in the One who claims we are chosen, loved, and perfectly fit for the job as moms. We can remind ourselves that there is grace for us as parents and that we don’t have to carry the weight of our children’s poor choices by ourselves. We can learn to become godly stewards who lead our children in the direction of Truth and freedom from sin.

By definition, a steward is a person who manages and protects something that belongs to someone else. The word steward originates from an Old English word, “stigweard.” It can be broken down into two word elements: “stig” meaning “hall,” “house,” or “pen;” and “weard” meaning “guard.” As moms, we are the guards of the house of our children’s hearts. While we are not in full control, we can protect our children’s minds by filtering what they are exposed to. Television shows, music, other children and families, schools, and churches—we decide what pastures we allow our children to roam in. Let’s be diligent stewards and carefully decide what we allow to enter into our children’s hearts.

There are so many influences in the world in this day and age. Let’s prayerfully and carefully decide what we allow to pierce our children's souls. Not every message out there should be granted passage.

Our children’s minds are most malleable at a young age. This is when we have the most influence in our children’s lives. Children’s brains have significantly more plasticity than adults. This means their brains are being formed and developed in real time. A person’s childhood impacts how their brain will be wired for the rest of their lives.

As a Christ follower, this means pointing our children to Jesus starting at a young age matters. What external influences we allow in our children’s lives matters. What they watch and listen to matters. Who they are around matters. Where they learn and grow matters. Let’s be diligent shepherds of our children’s lives and lead them into the greenest pastures possible. We don’t have to be the only examples in our children’s lives. In fact, it is good for children to have other people they can look up to. But it is salient that we are monitoring who and what has a grip on our children’s hearts.

As moms, we are stewards of our children, not owners. Ultimately, our children belong to the Lord, and this should be a huge relief. We are not solely responsible for our children’s lives, minds, and hearts. God is in full control. Sometimes, He may allow things that we question. And we have every right to steer our children in the way they should go. But when push comes to shove, we don’t have the final say.

We are managers, not dictators. Just like us, our children have been given the gift of free will. And sometimes they are going to abuse it. In those moments of a child’s waywardness, we can look to the Lord for guidance and support. We can approach God’s throne of grace with full confidence, knowing He loves our child even more than we do. He has good plans for our children. Sometimes His plans require a lesson to be learned along the way, in the process of their becoming. But God will eventually have his way in their hearts. 

We are not the Holy Spirit and will never fill that role in our children’s lives. But it is important we are lifting up our children in prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to intercede for our children on the Lord’s behalf. Some prayers I like to pray over my children daily are as follows:

Jesus, guide them. Protect them. Go before them.

Lord, may your Word be a lamp to their feet and illuminate their paths.

Jesus, may they come to know you and love you and live for you.

Jesus, Be their hearts’ desire.

God, help them want to do what’s right in your eyes because of their love for you.

I am not a perfect mom. I am still becoming. And there is grace. 

I am not solely responsible for my children’s minds, hearts, and behaviors. But I can direct them. I can guide them along their way. This is my role as a godly mom.

My children are still becoming. It is my job as their mom to help them grow up into people who know right from wrong. By establishing boundaries in my children’s lives through godly discipline and parameters, I am living out my role as a parent who knows Jesus and lives according to His Word. The Bible says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” (Prov. 22:6). While we are not fully responsible when our children make wayward choices, we are responsible to guide them and direct them in the ways of the Lord and His Word.

At the end of the day, my kids are not my reputation. My kids are not my reflection. My kids are my mission as a steward of God’s grace. Your greatest mission field will always be your home.