You Are a Good Mom

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. Ephesians 1:4-6

Ever since I was pregnant, I wondered if I was going to be a good mom. I thought I was an A-list candidate, but when my first baby was born, I struggled. I wondered if I had what it took. In the hospital after giving birth, I worried and wondered if I would do a good job after I took my baby home. Was I old enough? Was I mature enough? Imposter syndrome was death-gripping my thoughts. Leaving the hospital felt surreal and exciting, but I silently wondered, Should this be allowed? What do I really know about being a mom? Who am I to have a baby when I barely squeak by taking care of myself? Do I really have what it takes? I doubted myself.

As I grew into motherhood, I realized that doubt does not go away, but rather, manifests itself in different ways. At times I feel like I fail at disciplining my children. Other times I feel like I fail at discipling my children. There are moments I feel like I could use some serious help in the kitchen. Sometimes my house looks like a construction site littered with toys and the laundry piles high. Maybe you can relate.

“Failure,” I can almost hear the enemy whisper. But then I see my sweet children’s smiling faces, their round little bellies, and rosy plump cheeks. I hear their laughter. I receive their hugs and kisses and know in my heart that these whispers of failure and defeat are the enemy’s lies and nothing more.

What defines a “good mom?” Is it being a good cook? Managing unwanted behaviors and harnessing children’s emotions in a positive way? Is it doing every little thing with a smile? Is it being a godly mom? Is it never wrestling with negative thoughts? Maybe it’s all of these things. Maybe it’s none of them. But what I think is that it is playing on your strengths well. A “good mom” means doing the best you can, accomplishing what you can, being as present, loving, and caring as you can, and realizing that it is enough. 

Being a good mom requires you to be a joyful, fulfilled, satisfied person for yourself before meeting the needs of others. They say you can’t pour from an empty cup. And yet, this is what we are called to do as mothers every single day. We wear so many hats, fulfill so many jobs, and have a running to-do list constantly scrolling in the back of our minds. So how can we fill our cups so that we have love and grace to give? Self-nurture is so important as moms because our needs matter. We give and give of ourselves, and in order to give our best, we must be our best.

If an airline pilot loved his job so much that he worked 24 hours a day for weeks on end, without taking a break, would you want him flying your plane? In this same way, as moms, we must take time to refuel and reset. Whether it is a bubble bath after the kids go down, an occasional glass of wine in the evenings, or cuddling up in a cozy chair beneath a soft blanket reading an excellent book, make time for yourself. Bake. Buy yourself flowers. Light your favorite scented candle. Enjoy a hobby. Take a trip to the farmer's market. Go on a walk. Decorate for fall. Plant something. We all make time to do the things we really and truly love. Do you love yourself the way that God loves you?

Matthew 22:37-39 says, “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” Don’t miss the part of this verse that implies we are to love ourselves well. In order to love God fully and love others, we must affirm, take care of, and uplift ourselves. 

View yourself the way God views you. Love yourself well so that you can lavish God’s unending, never-stopping, never-giving-up love upon your family, your children, and all who know you.