Co-Regulation with Christ

Co-regulation is quite the buzzword these days. In neuroscience, co-regulation is when one person relies on the calming presence of another in order for their nervous system to settle. This is first seen in the parent-infant relationship when a baby is able to be soothed by being held and comforted by their mom or dad. 

Children co-regulate and depend on adults to model calm, logical, productive, problem-solving behavior. Their emotions quite literally feed off our own. That is why when we are upset, we need to calm down before speaking to our children. They are highly influenced by our emotions and learn from our example—for better or worse. Children learn self-control or lack thereof through parents’ behavior in moments of crisis, shock, or panic. Children quite literally absorb our calmness or our state of pandemonium.

While clinical co-regulation involves borrowing a regulated nervous system from a parent or trusted adult, we can practice co-regulation with Christ by allowing the Holy Spirit to anchor our own nervous system to His peace. Just like a child finds solace in their parents' warm embrace, I am learning to lean against my Father’s chest and sync my heartbeat with His own. I let His peace calm my breathing and soothe my racing mind. I know that I am safe because I am held. 

“Co-Regulation with Christ” is the spiritual and psychological process of calming one’s nervous system by connecting with the steady, loving presence of Jesus, effectively adopting His peace to calm internal anxiety, fear, or distress. While co-regulation typically refers to a child calming down with a caregiver, this concept extends that model to adults who, through prayer and meditation, allow their internal “fight, flight, or freeze” responses to be settled by a divine, non-anxious presence. 

Psalm 131:2, written by David the shepherd boy, supports this concept: “But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.” David was a prime example of someone who found comfort in the Lord. Considered a man after God’s own heart, David knew how to express his innermost thoughts before the King and was consoled by His peace. He praised God through His pain, worries, and fears and was met by the Great Comforter.

A prayer I like to pray in moments of panic is: Jesus Christ, Son of God, shower grace on me, for I fall short of your glory. I repeat this prayer over and over until Christ’s peace washes over me. This prayer humbles me and reminds me of where my help comes from. This prayer allows me to press into the Father’s peace and find rest for my anxious soul.

While “self-regulation”—being able to control your emotions and reactions independently—is a great practice, co-regulating our emotions with Christ is a much more powerful thing. Similar to a child being comforted by a parent in a moment of emotional crisis, co-regulating our emotions with Christ calms our nervous system by syncing our hearts with the Father’s peace and steady love. This can be accomplished in a myriad of ways: through “belly breathing” while meditating on Scripture, through short scripted prayers repeated over and over for a minute or two, through recalling a memorized verse and saying it out loud, or by reading a Psalm.

Let’s learn to co-regulate our rogue thoughts, stray feelings, and frazzled emotions with Christ by laying our heads against the Father’s chest in prayer and crying out to Jesus. He can exchange our distress for His perfect peace, limitless love, and ultimate comfort.

This is more than a clinical practice; it is abiding in the presence of the Living God who can heal and make all things new—including the anxiety, stress, or overstimulation that exists inside of you. This is not a formula, but a prescription for hope—an invitation to rely on something (Someone) greater than yourself to quiet your mind and pacify your every fear.